I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Randomize
