im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
