Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
