After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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