Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
