Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
