She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Randomize
