she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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