Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
