thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Randomize
