i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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