whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
