i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
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