Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Randomize
