My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Randomize
