I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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