Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I faked an abortion last night.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
