I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
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