Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
