making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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