Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
You're a waste of cheezeits
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Randomize
