Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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