i'm signing you up for texting rehab
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
