you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
