i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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