Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
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