I'm so fucking centered right now
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
