After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
