We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
