my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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