I'm really into asian looking animals
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
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