I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
