Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
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