Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
And then my night got REAL pukey
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
