This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize
