Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
this just has baby written all over it
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Also, beer. Big fan.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Randomize
