is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
