Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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