Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
