Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
