I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
