just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
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