Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
i think i just lost a toe
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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