OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
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