Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
