i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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