I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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