omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
