I cockslap morals
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Randomize
