Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
