After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
whose parrot is this?
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
