O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
we're so committed to being not committed
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Randomize
