she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
